Cryptid Battle - Land Creatures

18. 05. 30
posted by: Luke Mauer

I cheated a little bit and lined these cryptids up based on the type of monster they were.  I’ll explain as we get to the matchups.

First up, we have the Tatzelwurm vs. the Jersey Devil.  The Jersey Devil definitely has the cooler backstory as being the 13th (and unwanted) son of a New Jersey couple that was sold off to the devil.  A two legged, hooved monster with a sheep-like head and large wings?  Yes, please.  The Tatzelwurm is a lizard-like creature, 2-5 feet in lengths with a cat-like had and a wide gaping mouth.  Unfortunately, the devil helps out here and the Jersey Devil moves on.

Next up we have one of the cheat match-ups.  It’s the Yowie vs. the Mapinguari – both Bigfoot like creatures.  The Yowie is tall, stocky, covered in fur and the Mapinguari is around 8 feet tall with scales on its back making it bulletproof and A SECOND MOUTH IN THE CENTER OF ITS STOMACH OMG.  Mapinguari wins.

The third matchup pits the Grootslang (great snake) against Olgoi-Khorkhoi (large intenstine worm).  Sounds like a no brainer, right?  What if I told you the OK is also known as the Mongolian death worm…?  What if I told you it’s body is coated with toxic slime that kills anyone on contact?  NOT SO FAST (cue Lee Corso), the Grootslang has the head of an elephant and the back of a snake.  Can it hold it’s body up?  Hm….I’m going earthworm, OK for the win.

The last first round matchup is Shuck and Momo – sounds like an old WCW Tag Team.  Momo is similar to Bigfoot (again) but the Shuck is a mysterious black dog that can turn things into fire and just kill people.  I’m taking Shuck in this one.

The semis on my side are tough matchups.  The Jersey Devil vs. Mapinguari.  The devil tries to interfere again; however, the SECOND STOMACH EATS HIM.  Mapinguari wins.  The Olgoi-Khorkhoi vs. Shuck is an interesting matchup.  On paper, Shuck can throw the little (giant) worm around – but what about that toxic slime?  The death worm dives deep into the sand and then jumps back up, taking Shuck by surprise.  A winner for the earthworm!

The finals are set.  Olgoi-Khorkhoi vs. Mapinguari. (the two hardest to pronounce – you’re welcome)  It’s a tough battle.  The Mapinguari has long sharp claws that can cancel out the poisonous slime.  BUT WAIT – the Olgoi-Khorkhoi can spit venom and acid from its mouth, temporarily blinding the Mapinguari.  It rears on it’s hind legs and lets out a stench so bad, skunks would be jealous.  The abundance of water, saliva, and poison proves to be too much water for the old earthworm, though, as the Olgoi-Khorkoi becomes oversaturated and bursts.  Off to the Cryptid Finals for Mapinguari.