Alright class, everybody gather around. We’re going to have ourselves a little history lesson today. If you’re reading blogs on this website, I’m going to make a few quick assumptions about you:
- You frequently use (and sometimes abuse) alcohol.
- You have experienced a lovely little phenomenon called a “hangover”
Were my assumptions correct? Good. Much like you, I also meet both of these criteria. On one of the recent podcasts (listen on itunes and google play) the question was posed, “Who was the first person to ______?” So naturally, my alcohol damaged brain wanted to know “Who was the first person to go through what so many of us have had to endure?” So, I scoured every corner of the internet (thanks google) and I want to let you guys know what I found.
To start this journey I hopped on over to everyone’s favorite term paper “source” Wikipedia. This is what they had to say –
A hangover is the experience of various unpleasant physiological and psychological effects following the consumption of alcohol, such as wine, beer and distilled spirits. Hangovers can last for several hours or for more than 24 hours. Typical symptoms of a hangover may include headache, drowsiness, concentration problems, dry mouth, dizziness, fatigue, gastrointestinal distress (e.g., vomiting), absence of hunger, depression, sweating, nausea, hyper-excitability and anxiety.
While the causes of a hangover are still poorly understood, several factors are known to be involved including acetaldehyde accumulation, changes in the immune system and glucose metabolism, dehydration, metabolic acidosis, disturbed prostaglandin synthesis, increased cardiac output, vasodilation, sleep deprivation and malnutrition. Beverage-specific effects of additives or by-products such as congeners in alcoholic beverages also play an important role. The symptoms occur typically after the intoxicating effect of the alcohol begins to wear off, generally the morning after a night of heavy drinking.
That right there is one long, scientific way of telling you that you are going to feel like a dirty, old bag of dicks. But enough of the science, I promised you guys a history lesson so that’s what I’m going to deliver. After diving into a tidal wave of links containing miracle hangover cures and articles about the movie “The Hangover” (maybe google isn’t as good as I though) I finally found a glimpse of what I was looking for. While I didn’t actually find out who had the first hangover, I learned that scientist discovered a 1,900 year old hangover cure in Egypt. That means people were crushing some beers till the wee hours of the night and then regretting the hell out of the next day way back when years were just 3 digits. It’s literally a tale as old as time. Also, if you’re ever fighting a hangover and feeling desperate this ancient cure calls for wearing leaves from a shrub around your neck. So throw on your favorite bush necklace and get to feeling normal again.
So as you can see, mankind vs. the hangover is a war that has been waged for centuries and will continue on until the end of time. And while that battle may seem like an unwinnable one, I know me and my fellow soldiers will continue to fight the good fight every weekend
Don’t get me wrong, I hate hangovers as much as the next guy, but I’ve grown to respect them. See, hangovers don’t care what color your skin is or how much money you make. They don’t discriminate, they’ll have you just begging for the sweet release of death no matter who you are. Finally, if you’re one of those people who “doesn’t get hungover” then you can go right to hell, and please leave the rest of us decaying degenerates to rot in peace.
- Cousin Kyle