18. 10. 04
posted by: Kyle Wallpe

The NHL season started up again this week, and for people in Chicago, Boston, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Various Places in Canada and other rugged, cold weather cities – this is very exciting! Where I grew up in middle-of-nowhere Southeastern Indiana, nobody ever watched hockey. I think the only experience I had with hockey growing up was playing NHL ’96 on my brother’s Sega Genesis. If you never had the chance to play Sega games growing up, you should do everything in your power to do it now. But that’s another blog for another time. It wasn’t until I went to college in the rugged, cold weather city of West Lafayette, Indiana that I met people who openly chose to watch hockey in their free time.

 

At first I reacted to it the way most people react to change – I was frightened, worried, and confused. I would make fun of my friends that liked hockey by calling it “Glorified Figure Skating” and asking how they could enjoy a sport that the final score was usually 2-2 ties. But deep down I had dark secret. I loved watching this sport. I really didn’t know what the hell was going on, but I was captivated by it. It was essentially 200 pound men running around at 20 miles per hour with knives attached to their shoes. It’s incredible. I genuinely enjoy watching hockey now, the only problem I’ve encountered is: as I mentioned above, I didn’t grow up watching hockey. So, I feel no deep emotional connection to any team. And as all sports fans know – that is what makes sports so much fun. Feeling connected to your team so much so that every win makes you feel on top of the world and every loss will have you wanting to become a hermit and move into a deeply secluded forest so you don’t have to talk to people.

 

So that’s where I am now, I need to find a team that I can latch on to and root for during hockey season. I live in Indianapolis and they do not have an NHL team so I am open to suggestions. I’ve had people come forward already and give me suggestions about teams that I should root for but for one reason or another it just doesn’t feel like the right fit. I root for the Colts, Pacers, and Reds in the other major sports so that rules out hockey teams like Chicago, Pittsburgh, Detroit, Boston, and St. Louis because those teams have rivals in those cities and I just can’t bring myself to root for them. I know some of you are saying, “Kyle, just because you hate the St. Louis Cardinals, that doesn’t mean you can’t root for the Blues.” And you know what, to a normal person that would probably work. But, I’m not normal, I’ve got a weird brain so I just couldn’t root for the Blues out of principle. It may be a silly, irrelevant principle, but I’m still a man of principles damnit!

So, I’ve been thinking long and hard about it and I’ve narrowed it down to a handful of teams:

  1. Nashville Predators – Nashville is a great city and I love their nickname “Smashville” I feel like I could fit in well there.
  2. Anaheim Ducks – Who didn’t love watching The Mighty Ducks movies and cartoons growing up? I might as well just continue this and root for the real hockey team. Quack, Quack
  3. Columbus Blue Jackets – I root for the Cincinnati Reds and the Blue Jackets are also in Ohio, so this just makes sense geographically.
  4. Vegas Golden Knights – Vegas has just had a team for one season so maybe I could slide into their fandom and no one would notice. Plus, with my new gambling passion/addiction (check out our Best Bets Segment) this one could be a match made in heaven.

 

So there you have it that is my situation. And I think that I should leave it up to you, the loyal fans to decide who I become a fan of. So reach out to me and let me know who you think I should root for and whichever team gets the most votes will have my fandom. Happy Hockey Season Everyone!

18. 10. 04
posted by: Luke Mauer

It’s week 5 and I’m staring at 1-3 in one of my fantasy leagues, “Stupid Bengals Fans,” and I had to ponder...why am I so bad?

The conclusion was simple:  I’m a stupid Bengals fan.

You see, when it comes time for fantasy football every year, I get excited – this is MY year.  I gear up my draft board but mine always looks a little bit different than everyone else’s.  On my draft board, you’ll NEVER see anyone from the Bengals division.  That’s right.  No Browns.  No Ravens.  And certainly never a Steeler.  There’s always one other team missing from my draft board.  The dreaded Colts.  I will not draft or pick up a player from the Indianapolis Colts.  Now the division may make sense to you (and it may not, especially with the Steelers normal three-headed monster) but you’re asking, Luke, why the Colts?  Are you that stubborn and stupid?  Um, yes.  The Colts are one of my most dreaded teams mostly because of where I live.  The fans are obnoxious, the stadium is...nice, and they are just too...Colt-y.  Not making my team.

Okay, so after I draft a player from one of my 28 eligible teams, then we have weekly issues, right?  I will NOT play a player against the Bengals.  Luke, you can’t be serious, right?  Wrong.  My loyalty lies with the Bengals.  If I’m cheering for Aaron Rodgers to throw 4 TDs against the Bengals, then I’m cheering for the Bengals to lose.  Aaron Rodgers, see my bench.  Starting will be…*scrolls, scrolls* Baker Mayfield is available! Wait, nope, he’s a Brown.  Flacco is there and he’s playing the Jets.  That could be a 20 -point week, but I’m going to have to settle for Ryan Tannehill against the Jags defense.  Yikes.  But it’s what I HAVE to do.

Okay, so I have 27 teams to choose from, but I should still be decent right?  Here’s my next snag.  Every Sunday (or Thursday/Monday), I’m watching the Bengals.  Every home game, I’m AT the Bengals game.  I don’t necessarily get to see Calvin Ridley making 3 TDs until 6 hours later when I hear it on the way home.  Is he still on the waiver wire?  Absolutely not.  I’m not sitting at home watching the RedZone channel to see Austin Eckler relieving Melvin Gordon on some pass heavy downs and becoming a favorite target.  I’m not getting to see Patrick Mahomes tossing 78 touchdowns while sitting on the waiver wire.  I’m out being a stupid Bengals fan.

Some people are great at fantasy football – but at what cost?  Last week I lost by 2 points to someone who played Ben Roethlisberger (PIT), Justin Tucker (BAL), Vance McDonald (PIT), and Julio Jones (AGAINST THE BENGALS).  This is in a league full of BENGALS FANS.  So, yeah…did I really lose?  Or did they lose?  Did they lose their manhood, their respect, their fandom?  Who is really the loser?  Am I a loser because I’m faithful or am I the real hero and fantasy football should catch up to me?  I’ll let you decide – send us an email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and tell me if you have any fantasy rules.

18. 09. 30
posted by: Kyle Wallpe

It’s finally that time of the week again, you’ve decided to put off all of your responsibilities and enjoy yourself for the last couple of days and now you have to try to pull your life back together in 2 hours (You tried to give yourself 5 hours but that show you’re watching on Netflix just got really good and before you knew it BAM! The whole day is gone and that anxiety is hitting you hard). Maybe you had a rough weekend gambling and now owe your bookie some money. (That won’t be the case if you follow the picks in our Best Bets Segment) But you’ve got an uneasy feeling and you’re just not quite sure why. This is a classic case of the Sunday Scaries. We all get them and they can fall anywhere on the scale from “I don’t want to go to work tomorrow” to “Oh my God is this really the life I’m going to be living until I die”

 

Even though the Sunday Scaries can be daunting, there is a way to get over them. I’m sure if you google “how to get rid of the Sunday Scaries” it will come up with a list of things like, “Meditate” or “Go for a walk” or “Write down all the positives in your life” Now, that sounds great it you’re a well-adjusted, emotionally mature person, but I am not. I tend to enjoy making irrational and dumb decisions and am really into suppressing emotions until they go away. Does that mean I have some sort of mental or emotional issue? Probably, but we can worry about that later.

 

In my mind, there are only three things that can cure the Sunday Scaries –

 

  1. TV – whether it is a Netflix series, a random movie on TNT, or a football game, one key component to battling the Sunday Scaries is to keep yourself glued to the TV for as long as humanly possible. The longer you can distract yourself from what’s going on in the world around you, the better off you will be. So lay down and throw on an episode of Parks and Rec, who cares if you’ve seen it 1,000 times, that 1,001st time will be just as enjoyable. My go to Sunday TV recently has been the NFL Redzone channel, its non-stop action and touchdowns for 7 hours. It is great for keeping your mind off of that nervous feeling you have about where in the hell your life is going.

 

 

  1. Food – nothing can immediately improve your mode more than a nice comforting plate of food. My ideal Sunday Scaries preventive food day would look something like this: Breakfast – biscuits and gravy, Lunch – Cheeseburger, Dinner – Pizza. All with a side of Gatorade. Look, I know this meal plan certainly won’t turn you into an Instagram model, but it will make sure that today isn’t the day that the slow, creeping depression gets to you.

 

 

  1. Masturbating – Self-love, Self-care, treat yo-self. Whatever it takes to get the job done. You do you, literally. Nothing can make your stress and worries go away faster than some old fashioned rubbing and tugging. Founder of The Daily Motivator and Positivity spreader, Ralph Marston, once said, “Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you.” You know what Ralph? I couldn’t agree more. So get out there and make yourself happy. As for my perfect scenario on this topic - well, for everyone’s safety and well-being, I’m just going to keep that to myself.

 

There you have it, with these 3 simple things in mind you no longer need to be afraid of the dreaded Sunday Scaries. Got any other good ideas on how to keep the Sunday Scaries away? Let us know at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it., Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.

 

Have a great Sunday Everyone!

18. 10. 03
posted by: Luke Mauer

The Purge was one of my favorite movies when it came out because it was original.  If a movie can be original and come out and shock me, I’m probably going to be a fan.  The second Purge movie went a step further and really dove into character development.  It made me CARE about the people, so when they died, I was a little hurt inside.  Thanks, Purge.  Historically, I’m not overly into TV shows or series (I’m working on it) but when I heard The Purge was turning into a series, I knew I had to check it out.

Today, I’m going to recap the first 3 episodes – I won’t make it overly long, but I’ll give you a glimpse into what’s going on with the show in the first 3 episodes and let you know what I think thus far.  If you’ve ever been a fan of my movie reviews and ratings, then you’re in for a treat.  I’m changing my format slightly and giving a few more spoilers (just so I can say spoiler alert) – so reader beware!

A little background on The Purge, if you need it:  The New Founding Fathers of America assumed control of the U.S. government. Ultra–right wing, they wrap themselves in patriotic iconography and boast of a thriving economy and plummeting unemployment as proof they’ve turned America around. One of the cornerstones of their government is the Purge. Every year on Purge Night all crime is legal for a 12-hour period, with a few small restrictions involving Purge-free zones like hospitals and some limitations on the weaponry those participating in the Purge can employ.  Got it?  Good!

The Purge series has several different plots going on and that’s how I’m going to review the first 3 episodes.

Miguel – Miguel arrives in Purge Land in search of his missing sister, Penelope.  They lost their parents in a tragedy during the inaugural Purge.  Miguel had promised to ALWAYS protect Penelope…except Penelope is a fucking idiot and has for some reason decided to join “The Giving” which consists of people who want to be Purged...upon?  Great choice here, Penny.  Miguel doesn’t know his sister is an idiot and is trying to find her.  In the first three episodes, he’s thrown through a gauntlet (literally and figuratively) trying to get to her.  When he finally tracks down the bus that she’s on – she had just gotten off…to be Purged.  His face of frustration and angst may be because he just politely passed by the people who took her.  Damnit Miguel!

Jane – Somewhere across town, Jane, a successful business woman, is forced by her (asshole) boss to work on Purge night.  Don’t worry – he secured the office – he’s only slightly an asshole.  Jane is trying to close a huge deal, but she seems a little pre-occupied.  In fact, she actually left the safe zone and made herself Purge-able to do a little deed.  We slowly find out the deed is (spoiler alert) to put a hit out on her boss who has sexually harassed her since she was hired day 1.  With him out of the way, she should skyrocket to the top of the company.  One other wrinkle in this situation?  Two of her colleagues, Mark and Alison, low key hate the shit out of each other.  They play nice, get through closing the transaction, but then both disappear.  Jane later stumbles into a room and one of them has chosen to Purge the other one…in a safe zone!

Rick and Jenna – Rick and Jenna are a young, happy couple who aren’t fans of the Purge but decide to spend the night at an uppity Purge party anyway (seems smart if you’ve seen any horror movie, ever).  They’re trying to get financing for their charity so they just want to get the money and go.  Simple, right?  Wrong.  There’s some weird thing with the daughter of the hosts – like they all three hooked up once and she sort of still wants one of them?  So where we leave off on episode 3 is that the host (the hook-ups father), wants them to kill, because PURGE!  But they’re like “nah” so he just shoots a guy in front of them (sorry, spoiler alert).  He agreed to give them money but now they’re trapped inside a Purge killing factory with Purgers and a woman who just made out with one of them, oh, AND, they’re pregnant.  Cool.

But my favorite character developing in this early Purge series (through 3 episodes out of 10) is a random guy, not yet named, who is just a fucking badass.  I don’t know his name, so for now I’ll call him Zeus because guy is just next-level.  He goes around listening to the pro-Purge motivational speaker until he shows up at the end to … rescue a helpless woman from other Purge participants?  He just walks into a random woman’s house who is being Purged and lights up the two Purgers before taking the woman with him.  Clearly this guy is a wild card and we’ll be seeing more of him.

Stay tuned for more Purge news and let me know what you think thus far on the show.

 

 

18. 09. 11
posted by: Luke Mauer

I want to take a brief moment away from the comedy routine to tell everyone that I love you and appreciate you.  You matter.  Not only for the podcast and for supporting us, but in life - YOU matter.

In September, we chose Suicide Prevention and Awareness as our charity.  Andy brought up To Write Love on Her Arms which is super powerful if you get a chance to read through the website and it echos the sentiment of YOU MATTER.  There's a great blog that they update often with some spectacular reads that I suggest anyone to take a look at.

In today's world, people lose their jobs, struggle with school, battle bullies, battle demons - nothing comes easy in our media obsessed world.  It can be really negative to see the bad side of news constantly thrown into your face.  Shows like 13 Reasons Why show the hard truth of what goes on in today's world.  Maybe it's on the dramatic side...but maybe it's not?  This happens everywhere - whether we accept it and acknowledge it or not.

Everyone has been through tough times and everyone has gone through some struggles; some worse than others.  Something that really hit me hard, personally, was when Robin Williams tragically took his life in 2014.  Robin Williams - who had openly battled some demons, but was one of America's funniest people.  You can take a movie that otherwise would have been pretty bad (RV, Old Dogs) and as soon as you put in Robin Williams, it's watchable.  To see someone who was always laughing, smiling, and helping others succumb to such horrible demons was eye opening to me.  How could someone so "happy" be so troubled?  But that's when it became real - depression is real.  Hiding behind a fake wall is real.  Lying to protect - maybe not yourself - but others...is real.

A song by Jessie J captivates depression and hiding:

The girl who always says yes
Wants to scream no
Takes over everyone's stress
And ignores her own
The life and soul of the party
But loves to stay home
She say's she's not broken-hearted
But cries on her own
 
Playing pretend
I shouldn't hide it
It isn't right
Being a liar
I'm crossing the line
Dancing with fire,
When I'm not fine
Should I deny it?
'Cause I'm going crazy when I'm not okay,
I keep praying that the cracks don't show my pain
'Cause even when I'm falling, I say my life is like a dream
But I'm fighting through a nightmare,
'Cause I'm not really being me

The song also goes on to say "the girl who starts all the jokes, just to make her laugh" which really drives home what Robin Williams may have been feeling.  Making everyone around him laugh while he battles his demons deep inside without reaching out for help.  It's hard to reach out for help.  It's hard to say you NEED help.  It's easier to keep it inside.  I'm here to tell you - there are resources.  There are tons.  There are people everywhere who are willing to help.  WE are willing to help.  As a group of fun loving guys - we all have our own battles.  No one's life is perfect.  If you're afraid to reach out to someone but want to talk - the Suicide Prevention Hotline is anonymous (1-800-273-8255).  You can reach out to our team anonymously (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.).  As fun loving as we are, we love you and we care about you.  The Best Podcast You've Never Heard was created on the premise of escape and fun.  It's a chance to just forget about the challenges of real life and have some fun each week.  We get it.  You matter.  Even if you don't think so or you don't see it - you matter to a lot of people.  Don't be afraid to speak up.  Thank you for taking the time to read, but mostly, thank you for being YOU.  Have a positive week!