In the last few weeks, it's been apparent that everyone on the pod has the same recurring dream. No, not that we make it big and are a successful podcast - but close! Everyone is dreaming that we keep forgetting our locker combos. I wasn't sure what it meant so I headed to the only reliable source I knew to figure it out...Wikipedia.
To dream that you cannot open a locker or that you forgot the combination suggests that you are unsure of where you stand in a particular situation. You feel you have lost some aspect of yourself. In other words, you are on shaky ground. I can only assume this means the podcast is in the great hands of a bunch of lost souls. But let's dig further.
If you dream about contacting your guidance counselor - it may mean you have a secret crush...possibly on her. WOW! Travis, this one is basically in your dreams!
Okay, so we've lost something - we're on shaky ground. But what could it mean? Fear no more. I've dug into each person to determine why they may be feeling this way!
Zack - Rookie is probably feeling a little shaky...he's lost something. His dignity after another shit draft beer rating. Some would argue this guy lost his taste buds a long time ago but I'm giving him a little hope yet...maybe.
Adam - Adam's lost something lately and I think we can all assume it's his microphone since he's not been on the pod. Maybe he lost his computer? Or...more realistically...he's lost his balls. What the hell has he been doing with his Thursday nights? Having date nights?
Joe - I think Joe is part of this team. He's one of those one and done-ers. Was he a guest? Is he a member? I don't know. But he's lost - or shaky. Let's hope he's not too shaky because he just welcomed his first child into the world. Congratulations, Joe! But that will soon be dethroned with the loss of...your life. You might as well be Adam, now. Welcome to the team.
Travis - Travis is the new guy on the block who talks about Fantasy Football and his mic sounds like he found it on Andy's street. Fear not - he's getting a new one! So what has he lost? $10, sure, but that's an investment. Travis has lost his manhood. Dude Wipes? Okay - once this week, I may have found myself wondering, BUT...until that day actually arrives, you get minus points.
Kyle - Kyle's is probably the easiest - Kyle just lost the deposit at his apartment. I can't imagine there wasn't a mess after his 9-9-9 challenge last week. Yikes. I hope your roommate is okay.
Aaron - Aaron surely isn't still part of this team, is he? He's lost his way alright. His way to the damn computer every Thursday night.
Joey - shit, I almost forgot Joey (not sure how). Joey has done lost his damn mind. He thinks people want to talk about golf every week and then bashes the nerds. I mean look - golf, nerds, and wrestling are the 3 worst things about the pod - and we just got a KUDOS for wrestling.
And finally, Andy - shaky ground doesn't seem to be the normal Andy we know - right? Lost something? Well, I'm pretty sure he's lost his cell phone because every time I've text him in the past two weeks he hasn't responded. That's not cool, Andy. How about when Andy lost...the ball? You know, in sectional? Out of bounds? Ring a bell? How about his pet? Remember when Andy lost his pet...probably all of them - to the Vet lab? (jk, PETA, relax) No, no, but Andy has officially lost....HIS FANS. I know, how many could he have had? BUT, in this here post, Andy promised his fans he would do blog posts and he's officially considered to have let them down. Not only that, but Cousin Kyle has been killing the blogs (check out his 25th blog here) and the fans are jumping ship! Will Andy lose his job soon?! Stay tuned....
Okay, we've all lost our way a little bit, but this is just a short reminder to let you know we are all working very hard to get you guys great content on the weekly. Thanks for being a fan, thanks for following, and thanks for your support. We love you and remember: The next time you dream about losing all your teeth - you're fine. You're just kind of a nerdy little shit like Andy.
For those of you who may not know, the 9-9-9 challenge is a little affair that’s been floating around the internet for a couple of years now. The Challenge includes: eating 9 hotdogs and drinking 9 beers during the 9 innings of a baseball game. It is a challenge that my friends and I have been bouncing around the idea of trying for a while. I know what you’re thinking – “That’s disgusting, and no self-respecting person would ever attempt this!” Well, luckily for everyone out there, my self-esteem is just low enough and my stomach capacity is just high enough for me to give this a whirl.
First off, let me paint you a little picture of the background of this story. My employer gets season tickets to the Indianapolis Indians games and if no one is taking a client, the employees are allowed to use them. For whatever reason, no one ever seems to use them so myself and my roommate (shout out Zach) decided that we should try to go to as many as possible because, well, why not? There’s just not many things as pure and as enjoyable as a minor league baseball game in the summertime. So we had four tickets – Zach, Myself, and our two co-workers Bertram and Grant. The Indians were matched up against the Louisville Bats, the AAA affiliate for my favorite MLB team the Cincinnati Reds. So, we have the tickets, the people, and the matchup, but there is one last detail that happens to be the cherry on top: this game was $1 hot dog night. That’s right, the one thing that makes a night at the ball park complete; a warm juicy hot dog, could be obtained for pocket change. If there was night to attempt the 9-9-9 challenge, this was it.
We got to the Ball Park right as the first pitch was happening, head over to the concession stand and get this party underway –
Inning: Top 1st
Order: 2 dogs and 2 beers
Total Order: 2 dogs and 2 beers
Order Cost: $9
Total Cost: $9
As you can see from the intro picture - I was just bursting with excitement at getting to take on this challenge. There’s just nothing quite like a Hotdog and a beer at a baseball game, it’s got everything: hot, cold, salty, spicy, sweet. FYI my toppings of choice for a baseball dog are mustard, sweet relish, and jalapeños. Even though I was aware of the mountain that I was about to climb, this first round was delicious. It really just hit the spot. I powered through these and got my second round.
Inning: Bottom 2nd
Order: 3 dogs and 2 beers
Total Order: 5 dogs and 4 beers
Order Cost: $10
Total Cost: $19
Being the scholar that I am, I realized that in order to get to 9 hotdogs I would have to order an odd amount at some point, I decided to get a round of three this time to set that up. It was during this round that I could tell that this wasn’t going to be all fun and games. I slowed down a little bit but was still having a good time, I mean I am after all drinking beer quickly as well so that helped to keep my spirits high. I took a little break before heading back up to the concession stand for more.
Inning: Bottom 4th
Order: 2 dogs and 2 beers
Total Order: 7 dogs and 6 beers
Order Cost: $9
Total Cost: $28
It was at this point in my journey that I realized how lucky I was to have attempted the 9-9-9 on this night. I would almost bet my first born child that there were more foul balls hit in this game than any other baseball game ever played. This extended the time that I had to complete my mission. You are at the mercy of the baseball gods while going through this. If you happen to go to a 1-0 game where everyone is getting out in one or two pitches that game is going to move wayyyy too quick for you to accomplish your goal. I needed to stop by the bathroom to drain out all of the beer in the middle of the 6th and then I got back to it.
Inning: Bottom 6th
Order: 2 dogs and 2 beers
Total Order: 9 dogs and 8 beers
Order Cost: $9
Total Cost: $37
Also during my above mentioned trip to the bathroom I decided to loosen my belt one notch and let me tell you what, I felt like a brand new man after that. If you ever feel insane enough to try this yourself, I recommend wearing basketball shorts, or maternity pants, or no pants at all. With this order I had my final two hotdogs in hand, I decided to put a little ketchup on them to change the taste just to get my mouth excited about them, that’s a real pro move that you amateurs out there can take with you. The only way describe my feeling after putting these down would be bloated, just absolutely stuffed. I can’t even join in on the conversation with my friends because every time I open my mouth I burp. I look up at the scoreboard and notice it is the 7th inning, and this sets off a bit of panic in my head because for those of you who have never been to a baseball game, they stop serving beer in the 7th inning. I rush up to the concession stand hoping that I didn’t just blow my chance a greatness because of a silly mistake. But much to my overstuffed delight, the nice old lady behind the counter handed me one more 24oz. beer before closing down the taps.
Inning: Middle 7th
Order: 2 beers
Total Order: 9 dogs and 10 beers
Order Cost: $7
Total Cost: $44
I returned to my seat with this seemingly gigantic beer in hand and much to my surprise, I can’t drink it. I’ve always considered myself pretty good at drinking beer, and for the first time in my life, I just can’t bring myself to do it. But the gang is giving me some much needed words of encouragement, such as Bertram saying, “We’ll you’ve made it this far, you might as well do it.” Or Grant chiming in with a “This is a little gross, but I respect it.” And then my good old roomie Zach exclaims, “I would totally do it if it was a weekend, I just don’t want to do it on a weeknight.” Don’t listen to Zach, he totally could not do it. But I knew that I could, so I just took a deep breath and started drinking on that ice cold cup of Americana. And before I knew it, it was over. I did it! It was one of the most disgusting and probably pointless things I have ever done, but I can mark it off the bucket list.
Despite how it looks here, I was very excited to have completed my goal. During the walk home I was a sweaty mess, but a sweaty mess that was full of pride! (And hot dogs [and beer]). We finally made it back to the apartment and I decided to treat myself to a five star dessert of tums and a shower. It was a perfect nightcap to a perfect evening.
Alright class, everybody gather around. We’re going to have ourselves a little history lesson today. If you’re reading blogs on this website, I’m going to make a few quick assumptions about you:
Were my assumptions correct? Good. Much like you, I also meet both of these criteria. On one of the recent podcasts (listen on itunes and google play) the question was posed, “Who was the first person to ______?” So naturally, my alcohol damaged brain wanted to know “Who was the first person to go through what so many of us have had to endure?” So, I scoured every corner of the internet (thanks google) and I want to let you guys know what I found.
To start this journey I hopped on over to everyone’s favorite term paper “source” Wikipedia. This is what they had to say –
A hangover is the experience of various unpleasant physiological and psychological effects following the consumption of alcohol, such as wine, beer and distilled spirits. Hangovers can last for several hours or for more than 24 hours. Typical symptoms of a hangover may include headache, drowsiness, concentration problems, dry mouth, dizziness, fatigue, gastrointestinal distress (e.g., vomiting), absence of hunger, depression, sweating, nausea, hyper-excitability and anxiety.
While the causes of a hangover are still poorly understood, several factors are known to be involved including acetaldehyde accumulation, changes in the immune system and glucose metabolism, dehydration, metabolic acidosis, disturbed prostaglandin synthesis, increased cardiac output, vasodilation, sleep deprivation and malnutrition. Beverage-specific effects of additives or by-products such as congeners in alcoholic beverages also play an important role. The symptoms occur typically after the intoxicating effect of the alcohol begins to wear off, generally the morning after a night of heavy drinking.
That right there is one long, scientific way of telling you that you are going to feel like a dirty, old bag of dicks. But enough of the science, I promised you guys a history lesson so that’s what I’m going to deliver. After diving into a tidal wave of links containing miracle hangover cures and articles about the movie “The Hangover” (maybe google isn’t as good as I though) I finally found a glimpse of what I was looking for. While I didn’t actually find out who had the first hangover, I learned that scientist discovered a 1,900 year old hangover cure in Egypt. That means people were crushing some beers till the wee hours of the night and then regretting the hell out of the next day way back when years were just 3 digits. It’s literally a tale as old as time. Also, if you’re ever fighting a hangover and feeling desperate this ancient cure calls for wearing leaves from a shrub around your neck. So throw on your favorite bush necklace and get to feeling normal again.
So as you can see, mankind vs. the hangover is a war that has been waged for centuries and will continue on until the end of time. And while that battle may seem like an unwinnable one, I know me and my fellow soldiers will continue to fight the good fight every weekend
Don’t get me wrong, I hate hangovers as much as the next guy, but I’ve grown to respect them. See, hangovers don’t care what color your skin is or how much money you make. They don’t discriminate, they’ll have you just begging for the sweet release of death no matter who you are. Finally, if you’re one of those people who “doesn’t get hungover” then you can go right to hell, and please leave the rest of us decaying degenerates to rot in peace.
When I got asked to start writing blogs for this site, I just wanted my blogs to be about the dumb things my brain randomly thinks. Always just try to keep things funny with just a hint a stupid and side of ridiculous. That’s what I would call a well-balanced meal of a blog. This one might be a little more serious but hopefully you still find it funny. Although I will settle for you thinking it’s ridiculous, or the most likely option – you will just find it stupid. Either way here we go:
I turned 25 this week. 25 is such a weird time because I’m too old to be in college blacking out 4 times a week, but I feel like I’m too young to be responsible and in control of my life all the time. For instance, this is the first birthday in probably 7 years that I didn’t go out the night of my birthday and see if it’s possible to drink all of the booze in the world. But not because I’m all grown up, I’m still going to try to drink all of the booze in the world, I’ll just do it on Saturday instead of Tuesday. So sorry Mom, I’m probably not ready to give up all of the shenanigans but I will contribute to my 401k, so we’ll baby-step our way to adulthood.
As I look back on my first 25 years, I’ve had a lot of great times, a couple of terrible times, and countless weird times. So here are what I think are the 25 most important things I learned in my life so far.
And the final 3 I’m stealing from the Billy Currington song but they are some of the truest statements in the world
As you can tell from Luke and Andy's breakdown, they are people who are very in tune with the happenings of WWE. I, on the other hand, am not. But while I do not possess the kind of knowledge or expertise on the current landscape of the WWE to provide you with an in-depth look to each match, I do have something else – blissful ignorance and the mind of a child. Therefore I am easily entertained and excited. So I’m going to go over some matches and say why I’m excited for them(and why you should be too)
Full disclosure - I watched wrestling a lot growing up and then got back into it in college, but have not paid much attention over the last year or so, but I did watch Monday Night Raw and Tuesday Night Smackdown to try to get myself prepared for this so let’s rock.
Rusev & Lana vs. Andrade “Cien” Almas & Zelina Vega [KICKOFF MATCH]
Why I’m Excited: This match features two of any far-right winged person’s biggest fears: a Russian and a Mexican. (I know Rusev is technically from Bulgaria, but he was billed as being from Russia at one time, besides, this is wrestling guys, let’s just buy into it and have a little fun) Simply put, both of these men are just absolute units. There will be a whole lot of man in the ring when they face off. But they are not just big, slow-moving, boring tanks. They have more than enough athleticism to keep this fast-paced and interesting. And don’t sell the women in this match short, they are more than capable of holding their own, plus the mixed tag aspect adds a fun little twist.
Shinsuke Nakamura (c) vs. Jeff Hardy (For the United States Championship)
Why it's going to be Exciting: Jeff Hardy, will always have a special place in my heart. He was one of the first wrestlers that really stole my attention when i was a kid. He made a chubby little kid try to do front flips off of stuff, yes, that went about as well as you would imagine. While Jeff is a decade plus older now than he was then, he is just as crazy and you never know what he might try given the right spot. Mr. Nakamura is no joke either, he is very flamboyant and over the top, which is everything you should want out of someone who is putting on a show. Plus, its for the United States Championship. So if that doesn't Make you want to shotgun a PBR and blast some Toby Keith, then you can get the hell outta here.
Carmella (c) vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Becky Lynch (For the Smackdown Women's Championship)
Why Everyone is Excited: Who wouldn’t want to watch a three-way between three women, am i right? All jokes aside Charlotte and Becky are two women who have revolutionized women’s wrestling. They are both powerhouses and will put on an incredible performance. And Carmella just carries herself in a way that makes you hate her - she has that “I’m better than you and I know it” attitude. So hopefully we can watch her get beat up.
Daniel Bryan vs. The Miz
What Makes this Exciting: A long time ago, in a galaxy not very far away (8 years, and our galaxy) The Miz was Daniel Bryan’s mentor during his early days in the WWE, their relationship was strained at best. They have not gotten along since then either. So you take that background feud and add in Bryan, who is one of the best pure wrestlers in the business plus the Miz who is one of the most entertaining people the WWE has. I mean the Miz is so talented that he has his own TV show, and they only give you a TV show if you’re talented, just look at the Kardashian’s…...ok maybe that's a bad example but you get my point. This one will be a must watch for sure.
Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. Seth Rollins (For the Intercontinental Championship)
The One I’m Most Excited for: ← That says it all, this match is the one that I am most excited for. Ziggler and Rollins are two of the top in-ring performers and they both have had way of captivating me and grabbing my attention in the past, there were times when i loved Dolph and times when I hated him. The same can be said for Seth. I think someone's ability to make you feel such a wide range emotion toward them is really a testament to their ability to draw you in and keep you glued to the TV. As I mentioned above these two are also guaranteed to pull of some impressive in-ring moves. This is 100% the match that I am the most excited for!
Braun Strowman vs. Kevin Owens
Reasons for Excitement: Braun Strowman is nicknamed “The Monster Among Men” and let me tell you friends, this is no joke. His entrance music is just him growling at you and i can’t think of anything more intimidating than that. He’s such a large human that I wouldn't dare write anything bad about him out of fear that he would read it and come break my entire life in half. Kevin is so good at being the bad guy and make me not like him that it makes me like him (If you need any proof of how fucked up my brain is just read that last sentence again.) Plus, the added stipulation that if Kevin wins, he gets Braun’s Money In The Bank Contract, makes this match even more intriguing.
The Bludgeon Brothers (c) vs. The New Day (For the Smackdown Tag Team Championship)
Get Excited for this Because: Remember that Braun Strowman guy I mentioned and how big he is? (See above ↑) Well the Bludgeon Brothers originated from the same “Family” as him. They are large and in-charge and they are the Champs. The big,scary,mysterious Champs. And the perfect opponent for them is The New Day. They are bright, energetic, and dare I say it - pretty god damn funny. Tune in to this one simply because it will be like at the family reunion where your weird goth second cousin has to sit next to Uncle Bob’s second wife’s daughter who is the head cheerleader at the dinner table. It will be two completely opposite worlds colliding and you won't be able to look away.
Finn Balor vs. Baron Corbin
Hope You’re not out of Excitement Yet Because There’s Still More: While this is one of the few matches on the card that isn't for a title belt, that doesn’t mean you should just ignore it and use it as a bathroom break. (Although you should go to the bathroom, don’t hold it in, that's how UTIs happen. Please consult your physician if you need any more information on UTIs) Both of these guys have shown flashes of greatness in the past but it was either derailed by injury or just poor timing. But I’m a big believer that if you’ve put on a good match before, then you can do it again.
Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Ronda Rousey (For the Raw Women's Championship)
Are you tired of reading the word “Excited” yet?: Ronda F*cking Rousey, do I need to say anymore? No? Good, I’m running out of words and this blogging thing is harder than it looks!
AJ Styles (c) vs. Samoa Joe (For the WWE Championship)
Why the Experts are Excited: Hold on folks, because this one will be rocking! In the one episode of Smackdown that I watched for research (I’ve always been a cram the night before the exam kind of guy) Joe was talking some major smack about AJ’s wife and kids. Now I don’t have a wife and kids, but I do remember when everyone was telling Yo Mama jokes, and that got me heated so i can only imagine a Yo Wife and Kids joke takes things to a whole new level. Tension will be high! Blood will be boiling! And to top it all off, these guys are quite good at the whole wrestling part as well! AND IT'S FOR THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP!! Whew, that was a lot of excitement there, I think I need a cigarette.
Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Roman Reigns (For the Universal Championship)
Main Event Excitement!: And finally, the Main Event, the Big Shabang, the Climax, the Money shot. The big dog Roman Reigns, vs. the beast Brock Lesnar, yes, that Brock Lesnar, and he’s still the same steroid shooting, muscle bound crazy man as he was before. And Roman Reigns is one of those guys that women love and men want to be. This is simply two titans that love nothing more than trying to beat the other person up. I don't know about you guys, but that sounds like a pretty good time to me!